THE YELLOW JACKET

I know I generally overthink everything, and sometimes it genuinely drives me insane. But there’s one thing in particular I can’t get around, and that’s leaving something incomplete.

Even if I get a bad grade, I will finish an assignment. Even if it means my chicken will go cold, I will finish my potatoes first. Even if it means I’ll be late for work, I will finish folding my newly laundered clothing. You get the idea.

But PEOPLE are not elements within my control. I can’t make someone tell me the truth or go dancing with me on the weekend. So how am I supposed to handle this feeling of “unfinished business” when it comes to the one thing I love and hate most—people?

There are so many times I want to say something, and I stop dead. At first, I argue with myself, and then I freeze. At that point, I usually just put my head down and try to move on with my day.

I don’t think it’s an issue of pride but more an issue of fear, a physical fear that I will open myself up to rejection and hurt.

That simple word “hello” seems like such an easy word, but you never know how the person might react. They might not hear you, purposefully ignore you, or stab you with icy words. All devastating. But then again, they could just return the simple “hello” and end it at that… like nothing ever happened.

Maybe “goodbye” is ultimately better.

But that may be my fear talking.

Tags:

Permalink

07 5 / 2012

I am.

In a word.
Stuck.

I feel Nothing but.
A part.
Only broken.
Slivers and remnants.
Ruined.

It is dark.
Here.

Around me.
Everything melts.
Away into the dawn.
It poisons my thoughts.
And I am heavy.
Stuffed sick.
With my.
Self.

And in a word.
I am.
Stuck.

Empty crumpled.
Entirely.
With Nothing left.
To hold sweetly.
In blue-grey arms.
A few cold memories.
And half-witnessed passions.
Long since transformed.
Into a biting.
Regret.

And in a word.
I feel as if.
I am…

Stuck?

Or maybe waiting.

Waiting for movement for the inner dynamite that was always mine
if I want to fly if I want to fall if I want to crawl
backwards into a cave or throw myself
into a pit of diamonds to love again
and learn once more
try again and or
move on…
perhaps.

But.

The choice is mine.

Because.
Stuck.
Is always.
In the mind.

Tags:

Permalink 3 notes

07 5 / 2012

"This app-etite is sickening: Men indulge demeaning stereotypes of Asian-American women on iPhones"

pussyologist:

I was walking near the Port Authority Bus Terminal recently when a balding guy smoking a joint yells “Sexy Asian girl!” I give him a dirty look; he smiles.

As a 26-year-old Korean-American woman, I am wary of men whose attraction to Asian women leads to exaggerated gestures….

(Source: New York Daily News, via beautysupremes)

Permalink 1,309 notes

07 5 / 2012

F^CK.

No sleep.

BUT okay.
Home.
Shower.
Change.
Food.

And then it’s…
BACK TO WORK,

BITCHES.

Permalink

07 5 / 2012

“The One That Got Away” by Katy Perry

Sometimes you don’t really understand why you really liked a song, and then something happens later in life that redirects you to that song, and it makes you go, “Ahhh… That’s why,” but for some strange reason, it still doesn’t make sense… or make you feel any better about it.